


You Shed Tears When You See the Sun

by galfridian



Category: Stargate Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 21:21:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/300158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galfridian/pseuds/galfridian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Chloe dreams she's still on Destiny. In her dreams, she's still in stasis, still waiting. She can feel the light pulse of the ship gliding through space.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Shed Tears When You See the Sun

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kalisgirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalisgirl/gifts).



> Written for kalisgirl, who wrote in her Yuletide letter that Stargate Universe was all about being smart and saving the little world that was Destiny. This story is brief, but hopefully continues in that tradition.
> 
> Thank you to Odyle for the quick but excellent beta.

_Sweet dreams._ Matt drops her hands. She steps into the stasis pod, waits. As the pod closes, she closes her eyes and -

 

\- the next moment, there are voices (one Canadian, one Czech, both irritated) and lights and so much noise. "It's okay," says a woman with long, blond hair, lowering her flashlight. "Life support is up. We're working on lights." The woman helps her lean against the pod wall.

 

It isn't three years. It isn't even five. It's been nine. Nine years in stasis, eleven aboard the _Destiny_ , and unbelievably, they still haven't left the galaxy. The Lucian Alliance, it seems, has made a nuisance of itself this last decade. Earth, as the most militarily and technologically advanced planet in the Milky Way, has saved the neck of half a dozen others. Among those worlds was Langara.

A trade was made: aid for aid. All this is explained an hour later when everyone has been herded to the gateroom. Chloe tries to listen, but the words get lost. She hears _Earth_ and _home_ and _rescue_ , and isn't until Matt's hand is on her arm and the stargate is dialing that she realizes what's happening. _Home_ , she thinks. _Earth. Earth. Home._ She can almost feel the sun's warmth on her skin, the touch of her mother's hands, the smell of home, and her throat is tight. _Home,_ she thinks, and _mom_ and _fast food_ and _books_ and _the sun_ , but underneath her excitement, a voice is screaming _no_.

There's shouting as Rush and the blond woman - Carter, Chloe remembers - argue. Everyone else is staring at the stargate, watching the chevrons lock, and Matt is talking about meeting his son, and Chloe can hear her mother's voice, _Chloe, sweetie,_ and Eli is grinning. But Rush is fighting. _Why_ , Chloe wonders, although her feet want her to turn and run. _Because he still believes the_ Destiny _has a mission. But it doesn't. It doesn't. Home._

 

For a day, Earth is a series of physical exams, briefings, and signing agreements. For a day, Earth is a lot like _Destiny_ ; they're each given a room along a long corridor and told to wait.

And then they're free. One by one, a car is called to take each person home, or to an airport, or to whatever bar or restaurant they want. When it's Chloe's turn, Matt convinces Carter to let him ride with her.

"What do I do?" She asks him. It's all so unchanged, like Chloe is coming home from vacation or college instead of the other side of the universe. "What do I say?" But the front door opens, and Chloe's mother is waiting, and suddenly it doesn't matter.

She runs to her mother's arms, hides her face against her shoulder, takes in the familiar smell of her shampoo and perfume. "Come on," her mother says, taking her hand to lead her inside. As she follows, the car pulls away, and Chloe wonders whether she should have said good bye to Matthew.

 

A month later, they meet at a diner she used to go to with her friends. "I like this place," Matt says. "It reminds me a restaurant I used to go to." Chloe thinks about high school, how limitless everything felt, and wonders whether she and Matt would have liked each other then. She thinks about Annie, about Matt's son.

"Have you seen Matthew yet?"

"He's seventeen, Chloe. He graduates in May. What do I tell him?"

She doesn't know. "I'm sorry."

They eat in silence. For two years, she and Matt would talk over meals about Earth, about one day and what they would do. There isn't much to say now, she guesses.

As they leave the diner, Matt says, "Rush is still trying to get back to _Destiny_."

 _Of course_ , she thinks. Can't help the smile. "You aren't surprised, are you?"

"I don't understand it."

"You know he believes that _Destiny_ has a mission."

"Doesn't mean he's supposed to complete it. He thinks it's supposed to be us."

"And you don't?" Chloe's surprised - that it seems he doesn't, that it seems she does.

"I don't think there's anything special about us."

 

Sometimes, Chloe dreams she's still on _Destiny_. In her dreams, she's still in stasis, still waiting. She can feel the light pulse of the ship gliding through space.

 

She sees him in a used bookstore, of all places. Rush has a pile of books on world religions under one arm, a book on Norse mythologies in the opposite hand. He looks so _deceptively normal_ that Chloe has to laugh.

"Well, look at you," he says, examining the books she's gathered on Buddhism and Hinduism.

"All this has happened before," she offers, recalling the line from the small taste of sci-fi she one had before it became her life. He grins.

 

They find a cafe a few doors down from the bookstore. "Has your lieutenant met your mother, then?" Rush asks over a mug of tea. Chloe smiles, despite the sharp pang at her heart. Rush is nothing if not forward.

"No. We talked about it but -" She shrugs. "It wasn't a good idea. He's trying to connect with his son."

"I'm sorry." He means it too, even if he and Matt often clashed. She's among the few people Rush has never directly lied to.

"Don't be." She misses him, but one morning she realized she and Matt only worked on _Destiny_ , across the universe, and she hasn’t regretted it.

 

Rush has seen Eli just once since returning to Earth, he tells Chloe. "Showed up at my apartment. Absolute mess. He said I should hear it from him." _Destiny_ did its best to survive those nine years, but the ship had to make sacrifices. Little pieces here and there.

"Amanda and Ginn?"

"Amanda and Ginn."

"I'm sorry."

"So am I, Chloe."

 

With the _Destiny_ beyond his reach and his equations hitting a wall, Rush has turned to the only clues left. "Many of Earth's oldest beliefs have in some way been influenced by the Ancients," he explains, flipping through the pages of a particularly old book. "It's a long-shot, but it's all I have to work with at the moment." He studies her, trying to read her. "What made you think of it?"

"I don't know," she confesses. "I just thought...I don't know." But the truth is they can both guess how she reached the same conclusion as him; for a moment, they're back on that ship, she’s trying to scream, and he's rescuing her.

"Let's get to work, then."

 

She dreams of _Destiny_ every night now. Sometimes, she's asleep in stasis, like before. Most times, she's wandering the corridors. She watches the ship sacrifice parts of itself, looks at herself in the stasis pod, looks in on Rush. One night, she goes to Rush's pod and he isn't there. She searches the ship, but never finds him.

 

Reading dry, academic volumes on beliefs and customs that began thousands of years ago isn’t much of a Hail Mary to start with, but after a few weeks looking for something, it’s obvious they’re getting nowhere. They’re sitting at his kitchen table, skimming through books about cycles of time, when Rush’s frustration hits a breaking point. He slams the book closed and shoves it aside. It hits the floor with a bang.

Chloe stares at the book, Rush stares at the table. “Chloe,” he says. “Why was I the only one?”

“What?”

“When we were rescued. I fought. We both know I wasn’t the only one who believed. Why didn’t anyone else fight for _Destiny_?”

“I - don’t know.” She remembers suddenly that voice in her head that day, the one telling her to turn back, to fight, to say _no_. It stayed with her through the stargate, through her first weeks at home, and if she’s honest, it brought her to that bookstore she met Rush in. She realizes now she hasn’t heard it in weeks. “I -”

“Why didn’t _you_ fight, Chloe?” She looks up, startled. She hasn’t seen this look in his eyes since her skin was patchy and blue and she was writing equations he might have never dreamt up. Eli thought Rush was jealous, but she knows he wasn’t. She could see, just like he could. There was something just out of their reach, something incredible. Rush knew that she saw it. He knows she still does. “We have to get back to _Destiny_.”

“We can’t.”

“Then -” Rush sighs. “You should leave.”

 

She waits two weeks, until searching for him in her dreams every single night becomes too much.

He’s been waiting too, she knows as soon as he opens the door. She takes a step forward, no idea what the hell she’s doing but listening to that voice for once.

 

Rush’s breath is hot against her skin. His hands are quick and strong. Chloe’s pulse races in a way it hasn’t since _Destiny_. She pulls him closer, closer, and feels light-years from Earth, feels the hum of _Destiny_ throughout her body.

 

There are voices. Two men arguing. Lights in her eyes, blinding her. A pair of hand reach out, steadying her. “It’s okay,” says a woman with blond hair. She tries to help Chloe step out of her stasis pod, but she stumbles. “Here, why don’t you lean against here?”

Chloe can still feel Rush’s hands, his mouth, his pulse. “Hey, you okay?” Matt asks, coming to wrap an arm around her waist. He helps her walk to where a small group of their people have clustered as the others are woken.

“Chloe?” Rush reaches out, as if by instinct, but pulls back at the last second.

Their eyes meet.

She nods.

 _If you shed tears when you miss the sun, you also miss the stars._  
\- Rabindranath Tagore


End file.
